Why am I up 7? Be careful what you wish for. You see I just woke up from the most vivid dream of my life. A dream I have been waiting for almost two years.
You may or may not know that my mom died October 2009. I hadn't seen her since my wedding in December and my stepdad, dad, brother, and I did not make it to her before she passed. It was what she wanted. Memories of her before she was in a hospital bed blah blah blah. Please do not think we are uncaring people. If you had the pleasure of knowing my mom, she's me times 100. Stubborn and gets what she wants. So we talked everyday she was in the hospital. It went like this.
Me: how are you feeling?
Momma: tired
Me: want me to come? I can miss school.
Momma: no they say I'll be out by thanksgiving and I'm coming home.
Me: tell me if you change your mind. I will come.
Then the talk turned to what they fed her for lunch that day. The last day was catfish. It was really good. She sounded really good. Best I had heard her sound in a long time. So we got off the phone and I believed her. My grandmother and my uncle were there when she started having trouble breathing and was put on the oxygen machine. They were there when the chaplain visited and there when she died. They have so much guilt for being there. They have told me. I'm not mad though. Because my mom was stubborn and they were the only two who didn't care if she got mad at them. But I can't help but wonder what it would have been like to be there for her. Afterwards I didn't dream about my mom. It drove me crazy. I wanted to see her so badly. I begged to see her in my dreams. This morning I finally got my wish.
I am a good sleeper. I am a great dreamer. They are long and vivid and I remember almost all of them. This dream was about me redoing my wedding. Why I would EVER do that is beyond me! All my family was there. Sport girls were there. I walked around and mingled in my dress. Terry forgot his nice shoes. Then I went back to my room and she was there. Laying (lying?) on the couch in my hotel room. Smoking of course. And she looked so happy and I was so happy. I said "I'm so glad you are here." and she said "I wouldn't miss it for anything" and I was gonna go get everyone else and she asked me for a hug first. It was the best longest hug ever. Then she told me to take her cigarette so everyone would know she was here and we hugged a little more and she was gone. I woke up suddenly and out of breath. I was sad and happy at the same time. And I know it was just a dream but it was so real to me. I would say it was the best dream i ever had and o don't ever want to forget it so I'm writing it down here. If I sound like a crazy person to you, I'm my mon's so i'm used to it.
The reason I titled this blog "be careful what you wish for" is not because you might regret the wish. It is because you might be unwilling to do what it takes to get that wish or as in my case usually too impatient to wait for it to come true. I waited almost two years for this amazing dream. What else can I wait for? What dream are you willing to wait for?
Aww I am so glad that you got your dream! Your mom was such an amazing person and I feel lucky to have known her. I'm stubborn like you so it is hard for me to be willing to wait on anything, but this has given me a reason to have a bit more patience on a few things. Love you!
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